a tale of the dog that bit you
author: neil foster
self righteous bigot was a bit bored and lloked around wondering what to do then
he saw his
mate sanctimonious moral superiority comming towards him.
[srb hello friend ssm how goes it with you.
[ssm]. not good it is my belief that the end is near and that people are
threatening to start thinking, questioning authority and may soon
learn to ask if there is a need for the suffering in life and if anything could
be done about it. this wil surely mean an end to the world
and the good times we have known suffering moral dilemas thanks to the lord.
[srb] I quite agree what if people start thinking and developing intelligence and
all of that
they will soon start to question authority and then people will star to wonder
why some people are so
filthy stinking rich whilst others have to starve and why we need to persecute
people simply because they are
different to us. which would of course never do. what on earth do youthink we
should do about it.
[ssm] what I suggest is a holiday trip to las vegas, ther you will meet with the
spirit of jelvis who will demonstrate that sanctimonious self righteous ness
and the persecution of all of those
we perceive as being different to us is a fine and wonderful thing and that if
we all only did what we were told then our good friend hypocrasy would be able to
further extend his riches. if you are lucky the spirit of jelvis might be able to demonstrate some of his miracles such as shooting the tv set.
we can only praise the lord for such wonders.
[srb]. this is a fine and wonderful idea I am going to start planning the
holidy trip to las vegas straight away, but I belive the journey is a difficult
so I will probably need to take precautions. to start of I will remove my brain
so that I do not need to challenge or
question any authority figures who sound important on the route thus I will be
unlikely to sully my
dogmatism by having to do anything odd like thinking or questioning those who are
important and in authority and especialy if they inheritied ther wealth and so
havent had to work for it which might otherwise make them impure and liable to
have ideas or something.
and thus self righteous bigot set off happily on this journey with a single
mental blight in his mind to guide him to gatwick where he would learn
how he was to proceed on the journey.
self righteous bigot arrived at gatwick and saw to his horror that an old enemy
of his belief systemwas approaching it was
intelligence and thus looking quickly to his supply of moral superiority to
combat this terrible menace which had been known
to make people think and question he knelt on the ground but realising that the
ground was dirty and would probaly evne rend or tear his
clothes he got up and went and sat on a seat to prepare himself for the
difficult ordeal and test of his faith that
he must endure.
[intelligence]. hello self righteous bigot how are you I havent seen you in
ages I thought all you
religious lot had all moved to america and taken up politics or something, what
brings you here?
[srb] I am going in fact to america, I intend to visit the holy city of las
vegas where I hope to meet the spirit of jelvis who can croon like a crocodile on
steroids whilst maintaining a complete
lack of originality or creativity and would problay not be able to write a song
that sam phillips had
not stuck up his arse if the entire profit of sun records depended on itwhich of
course proves that he must be good
[intelligence] this seems a strange thing to want to do to me, why someone would
want to hear a mountain of blubber stuffed into a jeweled jumpsuit is a mystery
you could just go to the co-op and buy yourself some lard which would probably
be almost as interesting and save you some cash in the
[srb] I belive this is some of your terrible twisted desire to get people to
think which of course is not alloed
in religion and as such I call you satan and mark you as the devil who is known
to think quite a lot and probably
even helps old ladies across the road instead of burning catholics at the stake
torturing people to death and other such good
acts. therefore I call yo beezlebub and will walk away from you until
I can find a proper important person whom I can
observe and obey implicitlyi in an orgy of dogmatic obedience that would
embarasss the average guide dog.
thus self righteous bigot saved from the terrible ordeal of thinking that
bumping into intelligence tended to cause
went happily on his way.
self righteous bigot had been going on a bit when he came across blind man.
realising that sickness was a sin he knew he had to do sometiing to help the
poor fellow who must be suffering terribly from his affliction and couldnt
possibly be happy as he was therefore different to everybody else.
he decided on a plan to resolve this
reaching inside his jacket he took out his mobile phone, he' nicked this off a
mate of intelligence called clever. it didnt actually count as theft because it
had been stolen by the government so it was thus called taxation and as long as
you only took it from left wing peopl, humanists, trade unionists or that sort of thing
then it was ok. it was a bit awkward since being technical it was difficult
to use and thus self righteous bigot who found anything more technical than the
tv set difficult to understand had to grapple with it before he got it to work..
he knew the phone number of his friend status quo and so didnt have to do
anything that required cleverness sor inventiveness like using a search or
rang him to ask for help.
[srb] sat on the ground and watched blind man from a distance and occasionally
threw some stones at him and yelled out hey blindy and had a good old laugh at
his groping around until status quo turned up.
srb and sq consider what to do about the problem.
realising that they had to do someting quickly before blind man started possibly
reading some braille or even using a computer or making music or anyting which
demonstrated that blindness wasnt actualy that much of a problem and thus would
prevent a lot of people from getting jobs or work and would spoil all the fun
since now they wouldnt have anyone to persecute or help them in terms of there
needfor a sense of self satisfied smugness which they could only get by denying
others access to information and thus empowering themselves which was of
course a threat to status quo and possibly even self righteous bigot. so they
both assaulted blind man since many hands make light work and thus having
finished him off and knicked his money which they considered to be a form of
taxation they parted company and status quo went back home happier now that
he didnt have anyting to fear from blind man or his
mates fair play or justice.
they could all be quite problematical if you gave them access to information and the internet and computers or any of that
sort of thing that allowed them to demonstrate that most of them were actualy a lot
better at that sort of thing than the lot with the money who actualy ran the system.
thus if you werent careful they'd start reading marx
and starting revolutions and suchlike
you never know where these things lead to if you
start to let people getaccess to things they couldnt possibly need
such as money or power.